im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
