i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
