Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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