Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
