When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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