I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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