In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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