You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize