woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
