You smell like stripper and shame
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
