there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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