can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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