I skipped work to stalk him.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
