Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
