at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
