can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize