i permit you to call me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
