And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
