i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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