it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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