I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize