Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
