im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
