Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
