We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
