guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
