my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
