We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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