Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
