The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
