he puts the penis in happiness.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
