What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
