I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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