All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
