get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
