1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
