Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
