you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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