Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
bring money and cleavage
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
