i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
