I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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