tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
