Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
