I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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