Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize