Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
