i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
