My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
