this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
