I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
