Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
