She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would ride that face into the sunset
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
