roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
