Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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