OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
