Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
