hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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