OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
