i already hear my dad disowning me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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