When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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