someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Randomize
