He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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