I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
