it wasn't lemon gatorade
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
