he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
